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For years the Japanese (despite losing the Second World War) have enjoyed various different flavours of Kit-Kat while we here in the UK, where the damn thing was invented, have struggled on with the ‘entry level’ milk chocolate variety, oh of course we get the odd limited edition dark chocolate or orange chocolate variety, but those Kit-Kat Krazy Japanese dudes get to swan around tucking into all sorts of exotic, fun and downright vile flavours of Kit-Kat.

Why these varieties have never been officially been released to the UK public is beyond me, hell, I’ve even written to Nestle, (they bought Rowntree back in the 80’s corperate take over and merger fans) to demand answers! Of course they tried to fob me off with the ‘ahhh you get orange now and again, now piss off” response.

So I’ve been sitting in Belfast, on the internet, looking at pictures of Japanese Kit-Kats and dreaming about crème brulee and Lemon Cheesecake Kit-Kats while wasting my life and then bam! My mate Jar (who teaches in Japan) comes back home at Christmas and hits me up with this:

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A Melon, thats right, fucking Melon, flavoured Kit-Kat. I save this for a suitable date. A half day at work on a wet miserable February afternoon, no finer time. I’m getting me some of this.

First difference between this and a boring old european Kit-Kat, is the packaging. We get that little foil bag that you rip, while this comes in a beautiful cardboard box. I still miss the tin foil and paper sleeve, very satisfying ripping that. Anyway, inside the box is three individual foil packets and on opening each packet you are presented with two fingers of Kit-Kat. So that means six fingers per pack! Now, before anybody starts screaming “With Brexit we can take back control of our Kit-Kats and get six fingers in a packet!” You need to be made aware that the fingers are much smaller. Which is kinda odd. But I can dig it. They still look like Kit-Kat fingers.

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Needs banana for scale.

As you can see this melon Kit-Kat is, well, slightly yellow. It looks like a white chocolate Kit-Kat (ahhh limited edition ahhh). It feels like a Kit-Kat, has the consistency and texture of a Kit-kat but tastes like…. A fickin’ melon! It’s damn melon. This is awesome, this is ridiculous, this is brilliant, it’s a melon with a consistency of chocolate, and regular wafer too of course. This is fantastic, we are missing out. Write to your MP! Take to the streets! Protest at Nestle! Demand more interesting Kit-Kats. With Trump, Brexit, Russian hackers (alledged), Sexy North Korean Assassinesses and the ongoing threat of nuclear annihilation you deserve a Brown Suger flavoured Kit-Kat.  I honestly can’t get over how great this is, lucky for me I’ve got a Green Tea one hidden in the kitchen for the next shitty afternoon I’m off work.

Oh yes and…

  • Kit-Kats hit Japan in 1973
  • Most popular ‘wacky’ flavour is Soy Sauce. Soy Sauce. Let that sink in, Soy Fucking Sauce.
  • Kit Kat kinda a little bit translates to “you will surley win” in Japanese.
  • There have been over 300 limited edition Kit-Kat variates in Japan.

This is my mate Jar’s website: https://ikimasho.net/

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So my old pal Phil went to Iceland recently and since he knows I’m a fan of the unusual he kindly brought me back some weird stuff, here’s some of it:

Wind Dried Fish

I’ve been told it’s like Beef Jerky, that’s promising, I love Jerky. On holiday in Texas I once bought Turkey Jerky (say that, it’s fun) it was lovely, except I accidentally left it in the car in 44 degree heat, after an hour it was hard nails and completely inedible If you’re in that sort of heat, be careful where you leave your jerky. Anyway, no such problems here. This is haddock that’s been caught and then left to dry for several months, the Icelanders call it harðfisk and it’s a bit of a national dish. Originally it was used as a way of preserving fish for when times where hard, now it’s a protein rich snack. It was also beloved by Vikings and was on of the main food sources on those long sea journeys before the invention of the mess hall and the galley. Anyway, this stuff is quite nice, it would go down really well with a few beers, if you like fish, then you’ll love the dried fish. There is just one tiny problem…. The smell. It stinks, it really really stinks, the smell would put you off. I took some of this into work, a bloke I work with loves his fish and I thought he would be interested in this, obviously he was, but when I opened the air tight bag the rest of the people in the tea room where not so enthusiastic. I cannot explain how strong the stink is as the meat itself has a fairly light fish taste.

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Wind dried fish.  Not rotten decomposing fish.

Chance of catching on in NI? – Health nuts would love the protein value and it’s a great snack, but that smell? – Awful, worse than Whitehead on a hot day.

The Bread

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Bjork probably loved a sausage and Flatkokur sandwich

Now, Phil said the Icelanders eat this flat bread with some thinly sliced cheese. That’s a good idea, but I’ve got a better idea. I’ve got a packet of South American Corned Beef and some Polish Gouda, that’ll do the trick. I’m planning a 14 mile run for later so this should give me the energy to get going, I make two tasty looking sandwiches, toasting one in the George Foreman. The bread immediately reminds me of potato bread, it’s got a similar texture and is in the same ballpark taste wise, it’s actually really good! Toasted it is off course even better, like everything. The melted cheese and hot corned beef are fantastic, if Icelanders aren’t firing Polish Gouda and Corned Beef into this stuff then they are missing a trick. After my feed I hit the road, it’s run time and all is going well, until I’m eight miles in, corned beef should not have been eaten, I’m completely dehydrated and not feeling good, hell, I could drink from a puddle. A bottle of Boost (50p) from The Mace rehydrates me and it’s back home.

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Not recommended before a 16 mile run

Chance of catching on in NI? – I can’t think of any reason why it wouldn’t!

The Stryrkur

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Six of these before the gym and twenty seven after.

Alright! This looks like a normal tasty chocolate bar, you know the sort of thing people know and love? Except it’s not. It’s an Icelandic protein bar. Protein bars are everywhere these days, people are loving their protein, it’s all protein shake this and protein supplement that. I’ve even had a few myself, had one before I ran The Edinburgh Half Marathon and had a protein replacement bar after running the Belfast Marathon. Both of them tastes like crap. Supposed to be vanilla toffee or something, but it just tasted like, and looked like, sticky cardboard to me. But this one, actually looks alright, it looks tasty and even smells good! So it’s with great disappointment that I discover it has the chewing consistency of what I imagine slightly melted Tarmac to be like, and like the other protein bars I’ve had in my time it tasted like crap. Absolute crap.

Chance of catching on in NI? – Probably really high as everyone is obsessed with protein and running and turning over tractor tyres and stuff.

More to follow punk rock fans!

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The aul Greeks are in a bad way, countries broke, everybody is skint and unemployed, immigrants scaring off the tourists on Kos and Lesbos and some superbank demanding everybody looks down the back of their sofas for loose change to give to Germany. Generally The Greeks (a great bunch of lads) are having a shit time. I decided to do my bit to help their export market by buying some Greek made Moussaka. We’ve all had Moussaka right? It’s Greeces equivalent of Lasagne, their Chilli-con-carne, the Ulster Fry of the Aegean Sea. Their national bastard dish. It’s a staple when you visit a Greek island on a package holiday, along with Mythos beer, feta cheese, rabbit meat and drunken tourists. It’s also a freshly produced Marks and Spencer classic, always on the Dine in for £10 meal offer. If you don’t know what moussaka is (then your a fuckin numpty) it’s a layered dish of minced lamb, aubergine, potato, and a lovely Bechamel sauce. It’s a hearty, filling, warming, rewarding dish popular all over the former Ottoman empire with loads of regional variations. What I’m saying is it’s hard to beat a moussaka, it’s a tasty tasty dish.

This is what it’s supposed to look like.

So when I spied CANNED MOUSSAKA on sale in the Jonny Foreigner section sporting a 20p off offer, I was all over that shit.

The finished product.  Fatburg on a plate.

The finished product. Fatburg on a plate.

And shit is what it was. It looked vile, it tasted terrible. It was oily, it was slimey, it won’t be bought again. As you can see from the picture (and yes, I ate that) it looks NOTHING like the Mousakka you’ll find in Marks And Spencer, it doesn’t even come close to the Limited Edition Mousakka that Iceland sometimes put out and it’s a whole continent away from what any Greek restaurant will serve you. What it does look like is one of those Fatburgs that you see on TV when there is a show about the sewers in London on. Taste wise it tasted exactly like I imagined. It’s a canned mousakka. What was I expecting? I was expecting Aubergines and Bechamel sauce, and they where indeed there, according to the ingredient list, but it just didn’t work. The sauce was dry and listless, the mince was suspect, the aubergine was a token gesture. You want mousakka? Better get down to M&S or Greece, go to Greece, bring money.

Buy it in Tesco for a about £2 or off this website for £5.92. Probably the worst £5.92 anybody will ever spend ever.

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RoadBlasters

Location: Barrys, Portrush

This:

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Inserted many coins over the years

RoadBlasters, one of the first arcade games I ever played. The machine was in Barry’s Amusements in Portrush, for anybody who doesn’t know, Barry’s was as close to a theme park as you could get in Northern Ireland, only it’s not close to a theme park, it’s like really far away. Anyway it had some rides, some arcade machines, a Ghost Train, Hobby Horses and as many 2p One armed bandits as they could cram in. Nestled amongst the arcade machines was RoadBlasters, I remember standing and watching the demo for what seemed like an hour, but was probably more like 30 seconds, being 9 or 10 years old I had limited experience of arcade games but the idea of driving a car and shooting other cars really appealed to me, so it was money in, foot on the gas pedal and away, of course I was rubbish at it and didn’t get very far. Still, I loved it, and had to play again, and again. After a Few goes and a pocked emptied of old sized 10p coins (two shillings) I worked out to shoot and successfully remember the enemy attack waves and that the the green pods provided extra fuel and shouldn’t be dodged. Eventually I got passed levels one and two, and RoadBlasters became a regular feature of my trips to Portrush. This game is still highly playable, it’s on the Midway Arcade Treasures comp for the Playstation II, find it, play it, it’s arcade perfect and bloody brilliant, unlike the home micro conversions….

Home Micro conversions may not be as much fun as advert would have you believe.

Home Micro conversions may not be as much fun as advert would have you believe.

Previously I had been unable to acquire a pirated version of RoadBlasters for the Speccy, despite taping pretty much every game available thanks to the excellent Spectrum User Support Group that operated at school, actually that was the ONLY decent thing at my school.

Christmas 1989 (or 90?) I got US Gold’s Coin-Op Hits for my humble Spectrum, it was part of one of those compilation packs which also contained:

  • The woefully converted ‘Thunderhawk’ – what’s the point without the wobbly seat?
  • The fun in a bun and never ending ‘Spyhunter’. Thankfully easier than the arcade version, but just as brilliant.
  • Expandable arm based antics with ‘Bionic Commando’ – Got a bit boring after the first level.
  • The Gran Turismo of the day ‘Outrun’ – ahh shitsticks it’s the 48k version, I’ve a 128k machine here! Where’s the detail and awesome music?

So eventually I got to fire up RoadBlasters on my cutting edge 128k Sinclair Spectrum +2a of course it was a real stinker, it was utter cack compared to the top down scrolling shoot-a-thon that was ‘Spyhunter’. You ever play that in the arcade? Now that’s bloody difficult, learn all the attack waves you want you’ll need reactions like a WWII fighter pilot on speed. The Spectrum version of RoadBlasters was a massive disappointment, as I remember, it was awfully slow and really chuggy, generally utter crap compared to the arcade versions, but that’s hardly surprising since it was converted to run on a 48k home micro. So since I had Spyhunter to play it was also swiftly switched off again. Even though I had a copied version of Spyhunter I fired up the legally acquired copy, just to see if it was any different. Obviously it wasn’t going to be, but as a 14 year old I thought that there might be.

roadblasterspec

Oh yes, that will be the Spectrum version.

When I got an Amiga I made sure it was one of the first games I acquired, again, pirated obviously, for a teenager with no income full price Amiga games where a rarity. Of course Roadblasters wouldn’t run on an Amiga 500+, just the older A500. So I only got to play it briefly on my mate Toppers machine. The Amiga version obviously ran a lot faster and looked much prettier, but even by the standards of early Amiga games it wasn’t much to get excited about. He thought Roadblasters sucked. I wanted it to be good, it wasn’t.

Compared to the Speccy version this was jaw dropping (from Hall of Light Amiga database)

Compared to the Speccy version this was jaw dropping (from Hall of Light Amiga database)

It would take until Midway Arcade Treasures on the PSII before I got to play a decent home version of Roadblasters, it’s aged well, still a challenge and still has that all important ‘one more go’ thing going on. These days proper arcade machines are rare and hard to find, a Roadblasters almost impossible, but then I havent been in Barrys in 20 years, there might still be one there.

To see RoadBlasters starring in ‘Wreck It Ralph’ reminded me how awesome a game it was.

A fitting tribute.

A fitting tribute.

More Info:

http://hol.abime.net/1248

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RoadBlasters

http://www.arcade-museum.com/game_detail.php?game_id=9332

http://www.worldofspectrum.org/infoseekid.cgi?id=0004157

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The good thing about wordpress is that when somebody arrives at your blog via a google search it tells you what that search term was. Here are some of the more unusual search terms that have brought people to my blog. I’m sure many of these people where disappointed. Spelling is consistent.

  • Crap Dacia
  • Call Centre staff treated like shit
  • The sweet shop where the staff are crap
  • GCSE hoework for free
  • northwick park hospital nurse fucked
  • fucking polish mild
  • call centre comments crap
  • fuck radiator plumper
  • are tayto crisps bad for gout
  • are tayto snacks bad for gout – I’m hoping a packet of Bikers didn’t kick off their gout.
  • job in Tandragree I’m shitting
  • hate my call centre job
  • girls with kango hammers porn – a niche market if ever their was one. I doubt they found it at my blog.
  • baronated water
  • mr tayto riding a bike pics
  • pig riding suitcase
  • who invented beans and sausages – I would like to know and shake their hand. Seen the price of a tin of Oaktree beans and sausages lately? 70p, shocking.
  • seara corned beef problems – Never good when you’ve problems with the tinned corned beef. I’m guessing the problem was a missing key.
  • how to make words on the scientific calculator like bad boy
  • lardy mouldy turd slop – Stick it in a tin, I’ll buy it.
  • worst ketchup
  • heinz toast toppers allturnative

fog

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Since I never got around to posting a list of my favorite albums on facebook many months ago like everybody else…

This is my list of 13 or so favorite albums.

Def Leppard – Hysteria

This was the probably the first album that made me think “Holy shit, all these songs are good”. It was also one of the first albums I owned, I got it on a cassette made for me by my sisters boyfriend who taped it from something called a CD. I bought my own record from the record shop in Carrick, which I think may have been called Kragatrax or Karrickatrax or something, it was on vinyl. The reason for this was not because I was a hipster, but because it was 1989 and my family didn’t have a CD player, but we did have a midi-system with twin tape deck and record player! It would be 1992 before a CD player appeared in the McCoy house.

Iron Maiden – 7th Son of a Seventh Son

My sister was watching Top Of The Pops, as happened every week. My attention was immediately caught by 30 seconds of ‘Can I Play With Madness’ on the chart breakers section. Somebody from school, I can’t remember who, made me a tape of the album. I may not be able to remember the person, but I can remember being give it during a science class and that they had cut the Iron Maiden logo out of a Kerrang! Magazine and pritt-sticked it onto the inlay card so there was no track listing. This became the first album I bought on CD and the first thing to be played on my new Amstrad midi-system at Christmas in 1992.

Rainbow – Rising

I had money! Possibly some birthday or Christmas money left over and I was browsing the cassettes in Makin’ Tracks in Castle Lane. My attention was caught by the cover of Rainbow’s Rising. It was brilliant, still is one of my favourite album covers. Only snag was, I had never heard of Rainbow, so buying this was a gamble. My sisters boyfriend told me they where a heavy metal band. That was good enough for me, even though side B only had two songs on it and I felt I was getting cheated, anyway, I ponied up the £6.49 and was away. Luckily for me I loved this cassette, I still have it too. This is one of the few albums I have bought on cassette, vinyl and CD. Blackmore – you owe me.

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The cassette, the vinyl, the CD. Oh, and the ‘Down to earth’ cassette to show how brilliant the ‘Rising’ cover is. Down To Earth is balls.

Faith No More – The Real Thing

My mate Topper had borrowed this tape from somebody, and played it constantly on his brothers swanky Hi-Fi separates system while we played Amiga games. Every time I hear a song from it I am immediately reminded of beating him at Sensible Soccer (usually a comfortable 8 or 9 nil victory for me). It lead to FNM becoming my favourite band for a period. The Real Thing was brilliant, Angel Dust was brilliant, unfortunately I thought everything that came after was balls.

Rush – Permanent waves

Rush was a band that I had always heard off, but never listened too. Rush CD’s and tapes seemed to litter my mate Toppers house, his two elders brothers where both big fans. But it wasn’t until I heard ‘Spirit of Radio’ on one of those comp albums in the mid 90’s that I got into the band. I bought the album and loved it. Not a bad minute on it.

Metallica – The Black Album

CONTRAVERSIAL! How dare I not say ‘Master of Puppets’. Of course Master is a better album, but to me the Black album is more important. When it came out I already was a Metallica fan, I was 15 so how could I not be? I was supposedly studying for GCSE exams but in reality all I did was listen to this album, taped off somebody else’s CD of course (Topper I think, who may have got it as a Christmas present?), and play computer games. Mostly Eye Of The Beholder, Bards Tale II and Ultima VI. Evenings and weekends where also spent walking about Monkstown with my then friends and a twin cassette player playing a loop of this album and Tori Amos. We were not a hit with the ladies. I listened to my tape of this until I got sick of the album, even today, all those years later I have still not bothered to buy this CD, whereas ‘Master of Puppets’ was the 2nd CD I ever purchased.

Manowar – Battle Hymns

I owe a guy called Rodney a great deal of thanks, he introduced me to two of my favourite bands. This was one of them. After listening to my tape of ‘Rainbow Rising’ in a flat one afternoon Rodney asked me if I had ever heard of Manowar. I hadn’t. A few days later I was loaned the first four Manowar albums on vinyl. Battle Hymns, Into Glory Ride, Hail To England and Sign of The Hammer. I wasn’t keen on Hail or Sign, but Battle Hymns and Into Glory Ride where swiftly copied onto a couple of TDK D90’s and played to death on my red Sanyo walkman. Those albums are still bitchin’ and I’ve even grown to like Sign of the Hammer and Hail to England.

One grubby Man-o-war copy complete with tea stains and B side mix.

One grubby Man-o-war copy complete with tea stains and B side mix. Note shitty Metallica logos and yes, I think that says ‘Lick my rim’ at the bottom of the tape. Classy.

Gamma Ray – Sign No More

Rodney again pointed me in this direction. This time it was the ‘Sign No More’ album on CD he loaned me. Some of the tracks from this where re-recorded for a comp album called ‘Blast from the Past’ that was released in 2000. These re-recordings are nowhere near as good. Still good, but when I first heard them I was a bit disappointed. It was only two years ago that I got around to getting the original album on CD, picking up a double CD of the their first two albums ‘Heading for Tomorrow’ and ‘Sign No More’ for a bargain £3 on ebay. My cassettes have now been retired.

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Helloween – Keep of the Seven Keys Part II

At the same time as I got into Iron Maiden I was told about, and given a tape by this band. Helloween. It was like Iron Maiden, but with a German tinge. It was fast, it was funny and it was bloody good. Helloween though fell apart like a cheap Chinese motorcycle (gag copyright Rodney Dangerfield). If you want to hear some real shit compare the first two Keeper albums with ‘Pink Bubbles Go Ape’.

The Ramones – Road To Ruin

I was late getting into The Ramones, well it was hardly going to be the first album, I was zero years old when it was released. It was thanks to Beavis and Butthead that I first consciously heard The Ramones. The video for ‘I wanna be sedated’ was on the show and I was knocked out by how amazing this song was. Face it – it’s catchy as ebola. So I wanted this album, problem was, this was the mid 90’s. The Ramones where all still alive and had just broken up. Internet shopping didn’t exist yet, Primark shoppers still got called ‘jips’ and buying ‘Road to Ruin’ on CD was a non starter. Nobody cared a shit for The Ramones back then. All Virgin megastore had was the last show live album ‘We’re outta here’ and the first two album bundle ‘All that stuff, and more’. Of course I bought them both and loved them. But I really wanted Road to Ruin, I wanted the studio version of ‘sedated’. One day I was at Record fair in Maysfield Leisure Centre and there in a box was ‘Road to Ruin’ on vinyl. I grabbed it and handed over my Crazy Prices leftovers. Got home and found two awesome things: 1) It was yellow vinyl. 2) There was three photos in the sleeve and they had been taken from the balcony at a live Ramones show. They’re faded, not very clear, but still awesome. And yes, Road to Ruin was as brilliant an album as I hoped it would be.

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Screeching Weasel – Bark Like A Dog

First time I heard Screeching Weasel I thought they where balls. Ben Weasels nasally tones annoyed me and since the album I was listening too was ‘Kill The Musicians’ I also thought the first couple of tracks where badly produced balls. So I turned it off and returned it to the man who loaned me it, co-worker and Dangerfields founder bastard Steve Jones. Jonesy though didn’t give up, he also let me hear ‘Bark Like A Dog’. It blew my mind. I listened to it on repeat for months. It’s also probably the only album that I have learnt to play all the songs on.

Ten Foot Pole – Unleashed

Lyrics that make sense, fast clean riffs, catchy as Clamidya songs. Every song on this album is brilliant. A high point in the career of a band nobody has ever heard off. One of the first 90’s US punk bands I got into. I even got the CD from Virgin Megastore, just as well because interpunk and amazon were a good few years away.

Elastica – Self titled

Britpop by and large sucked dick. Worse than grunge. Except for some reason, this album. I loved Connection the first time I heard it, so I bought the album and loved it, lots of people told they where just ripping off The Wire, but I had ever heard of The Wire so I didn’t give a shit.. I bought this album on the same day I bought ‘Restless’ – The Best Of Ian Gillan. I still prefer Elastica. Gillan has yet to rip off The Wire.

Notable mentions to: Squirt Gun (self titled), The Queers – Don’t Back Down, NOFX – White Trash, Two Heebs and a Bean.

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That Manowar pub

Having an hour to kill before starting the Budapest Ghost Tour we where dandering around Budapest in the area of St Stephens Basilica, it’s a nice part of town so it’s worth a stroll. Suddenly my eye caught this:

Yes, that IS a Manowar flag.

Yes, that IS a Manowar flag.

Yes, a Manowar flag. Now, only one sort of place would dare have, not one, but a selection of Manowar flags outside, and that, is a rock bar. But we had done our research, and there was no known rock bars in this area.  There is one near the Octagon, funnily enough it’s called ‘The Rocktagon’, anyway it looked like we missed one, or so I thought. From the outside it has a covered smoking area offering great views of St. Stephens and of course a healthy selection of Manowar tat. Inside there was even more Manowar, Rainbow, and even Yngwie Malmsteen – you ever listen to him? Good guitarist from what I’ve heard, you ever see him in that documentary ‘The evolution of metal’? Bastard owns about 4 Ferrari’s. Didn’t think he was THAT good.  I once heard he played a gig in Belfast’s Kings Hall to about 70 people, don’t know if that’s true or not, but I like the idea of it. Anyway, so this bar looks like the ideal rock bar. Of course it’s not. The music was cheesey Euro Pop, the bar called itself an Art Gallery and cafe bar. It consisted of two rooms, only one was filled with Manowar, other power metal pictures and pictures of who I can only assume is the owner posing with loads of Metallers at gigs and in the bar, the other room was, well, arty pictures and normal photos of people like Bogart. It didn’t make sense. It’s like if the bar was owned by two people, one who loved Manowar and wanted a full on metal pub, but his co-owner was saying fuck no, so they split it down the middle.

Looks like a rock bar, sounds like a shit pub.

Looks like a rock bar, sounds like a shit pub.

There is a beer menu and it’s a big un’ Lots of Hungarian and Belgian beers on offer, but oh my, they are pricey. Easily the dearest beer I’ve seen in Budapest, but hey ho we’re just off one of the main tourist squares so I guess it’s tourist prices. Here’s just how dear it was, for dinner we had half litre of draught beer, glass of red wine and lemonade and a huge (unfinishable) platter of Hungarian Sausages and pickles for about 6000 HUF in a really nice restaurant, in this pub, two beers 2180 HUF. Hashtag Holyfuckballs. Anyway I wont bitch too much about that, it’s still a bit of a barg compared to UK prices, worked out about £2.50 a bottle. And where else will you get Austrian Gosser? Apart from Austria. I will however gurn about the 10% service charge for opening two beers.

Seated with our beers Vicky hit up Tripadvisor to see what the world thought of this half Manowar themed pop music playing pub. The world doesn’t think much. Out of 1,912 places in Budapest it is ranked a lowly 1,609. It has (so far):

1 Excellent review

– I have no idea how easy pleased this person must be.

2 Very Good reviews

– One is in a foreign language and and the other reads like they gave the 4 stars by mistake.

8 Average and Poor reviews

– Sounds about right.

25 Terrible reviews

– These people have regrets.

Here’s some of favs:

Like this Londoner, I’m no stranger to microwave rice

looked suspiciously like one of those microwave rice packets you can buy which has the sweetcorn and carrot bits in it. I wouldn’t eat there again if it was the last Cafe on Earth.”

This from a local:

“Very over priced for frozen food. Frozen pizza, frozen wings and fries… But I’m pretty sure the two flies I found in the pizza were fresh. I would rather eat a tuna fish sandwich in a gas station washroom.”

Another local chips in:

“Frozen pizza, frozen French fries and frozen wings. We wanted to leave no tip which is FAR from the norm for us but they included a 10%. gratuity before bringing us the bill”

And this from Bristol:

“100% either microwave or oven cooked pizza. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER EVER GO HERE.”

Not sure where this lady was from:

“biggest mistake what we ever made on this vacation. Food was “cooked” in microwave! Its look like vomit!!! And the fork was dirty!!! Dont go there even it will be the last restorant (SIC) on the planet!”

I normally approve of a shambles:

“this place is a shambles. The food is awful, the staff are awful and the prices are a complete joke.”

This Romanian wasn’t best pleased:

“Frozen pizza, frozen pasta even frozen GULYÁS soup! I saw the kitchen inside, everything is dirty, mouse [–] on the floor, and rotting food in the fridge! There is no cook working in the restaurant(!), the staff, mostly unqualified waitresses, are warming and serving the ‘food’. A way more expensive than your expectations are for such a poor service. Never ever go there”

This from a Finnish reviewer:

“I wanted to see the kitchen. When looking for it, 3 owners iddly standing around came and tried to stop me. I asked to see the kitchen where my Pizza was “manufactured”.
We approached the door from behind you could hear busy kitchen sounds. The man opened the door, and space behind it was dark. When peeking in, space revealed several microwaves and sandwitch grill. Still, the cooking sounds were coming from some recording… UNBELIEVEBLE!!!”

http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g274887-d1769749-Reviews-or10-Cafe_Montmartre-Budapest_Central_Hungary.html#photos

(click that link for a photo of frozen pizza)

At least they where honest to this Belgian punter:

“Staff wasn’t very friendly or helpful but at least when I asked the girl to call a cab she said she can only call their ‘official’ cab company which is cheap but not safe.”

This Utah reviewer didn’t hold back:

“This place is a vile, putrid establishment”

“One wall was covered with 8×10 photos of various celebrities and what we can only assume were many porn stars.” – That’ll be the Manowar wall then…

“Do NOT GO HERE. EVER! If I can influence anyone out there to avoid this restaurant–no, I’ll go a step further–if this review can help put this restaurant out of business I will have done a great service to humanity.”

This English reviewer hit the nail on the head as far I was concerned:

(The only reason to go here) “You really love hair metal band Manowar, or would like the surreal experience of dining in Central Europe’s only Manowar-themed cafe bar.”

More from the US:

“We were not disappointed in our quest to be disappointed.”

“The grim-faced owner sat at a table nearby, apparently engrossed in calculations to determine the proper ratios of heavy metal posters to overpriced beer”

and finally:

“Before entering I had never heard of Manowar, now I feel like they are a big part of my life.”

So we stayed for one beer, giggled at the bad reviews, admired the Manowar merchandise especially the big piece of frosted glass with the Manowar logo professionally etched into. Whoever owns this place should go all out. Get the prices down, forget the idea of food, get more metal posters up, put on the metal and count the Hungarian Flos as every holidaying power metal fan in Europe returns night after night.  Anyway, after that we went for our Ghost Tour, taken by this old witch:

She spins a good yarn

She spins a good yarn

The Ghost tours pretty good, go on it.

http://ghosttourbudapest.com/

And if you want a (much) better Belgian Beer pub go here: http://www.belgasorozo.com/fooldal

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