Posts Tagged ‘candy bars’

For years the Japanese (despite losing the Second World War) have enjoyed various different flavours of Kit-Kat while we here in the UK, where the damn thing was invented, have struggled on with the ‘entry level’ milk chocolate variety, oh of course we get the odd limited edition dark chocolate or orange chocolate variety, but those Kit-Kat Krazy Japanese dudes get to swan around tucking into all sorts of exotic, fun and downright vile flavours of Kit-Kat.

Why these varieties have never been officially been released to the UK public is beyond me, hell, I’ve even written to Nestle, (they bought Rowntree back in the 80’s corperate take over and merger fans) to demand answers! Of course they tried to fob me off with the ‘ahhh you get orange now and again, now piss off” response.

So I’ve been sitting in Belfast, on the internet, looking at pictures of Japanese Kit-Kats and dreaming about crème brulee and Lemon Cheesecake Kit-Kats while wasting my life and then bam! My mate Jar (who teaches in Japan) comes back home at Christmas and hits me up with this:


A Melon, thats right, fucking Melon, flavoured Kit-Kat. I save this for a suitable date. A half day at work on a wet miserable February afternoon, no finer time. I’m getting me some of this.

First difference between this and a boring old european Kit-Kat, is the packaging. We get that little foil bag that you rip, while this comes in a beautiful cardboard box. I still miss the tin foil and paper sleeve, very satisfying ripping that. Anyway, inside the box is three individual foil packets and on opening each packet you are presented with two fingers of Kit-Kat. So that means six fingers per pack! Now, before anybody starts screaming “With Brexit we can take back control of our Kit-Kats and get six fingers in a packet!” You need to be made aware that the fingers are much smaller. Which is kinda odd. But I can dig it. They still look like Kit-Kat fingers.


Needs banana for scale.

As you can see this melon Kit-Kat is, well, slightly yellow. It looks like a white chocolate Kit-Kat (ahhh limited edition ahhh). It feels like a Kit-Kat, has the consistency and texture of a Kit-kat but tastes like…. A fickin’ melon! It’s damn melon. This is awesome, this is ridiculous, this is brilliant, it’s a melon with a consistency of chocolate, and regular wafer too of course. This is fantastic, we are missing out. Write to your MP! Take to the streets! Protest at Nestle! Demand more interesting Kit-Kats. With Trump, Brexit, Russian hackers (alledged), Sexy North Korean Assassinesses and the ongoing threat of nuclear annihilation you deserve a Brown Suger flavoured Kit-Kat.  I honestly can’t get over how great this is, lucky for me I’ve got a Green Tea one hidden in the kitchen for the next shitty afternoon I’m off work.

Oh yes and…

  • Kit-Kats hit Japan in 1973
  • Most popular ‘wacky’ flavour is Soy Sauce. Soy Sauce. Let that sink in, Soy Fucking Sauce.
  • Kit Kat kinda a little bit translates to “you will surley win” in Japanese.
  • There have been over 300 limited edition Kit-Kat variates in Japan.

This is my mate Jar’s website: https://ikimasho.net/


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The Zagnut!


One of the trickier to find US candy bars I got this from a place called ‘Candyality’ in Chicago.  It’s one of those fancy sweet shops that sells all the sweets and crap that you can get in a regular shop only the lights are brighter, the music’s louder and the staff are good looking women in their late teens early twenties instead of chain smoking hatched faced old hags from housing estates.

Anyway I picked up some Candy bars and went to pay, the girl asked me if I had ever bought anything from them before, of course I hadn’t.  The woman then offered to tell my fortune or do some sort of personality trait test using the sweets I selected.  Bit odd that, but that’s America for you.  Nobody ever offered to tell my fortune when I’ve bought a Bounty from WH Smiths.

So I’ve just beat the Zagnut clean into me, it’s a Friday and I had just returned from the gym, so why the hell not.  The Zagnut has been around since the 1930’s and is now produced by the good people at Hersheys.  It’s a chocolate free bar and has coconut and crispy peanut butter has it’s main ingredient.  It’s really sweet and has a texture that reminded me of the soft part you get sometimes in Pork Scratchings .  Seriously, it’s soft, yet crispy.  Obviously it tastes nothing like a pork scratching, on account of it having no pork in it, well, not that I know off.  There may be some gelatine or some other animal derived product in it, but either way it’s not pork flavoured.  It’s all peanuty and coconut and it sticks in your teeth like you wouldn’t believe. Well, not that you wouldn’t believe, if you’ve ever had a Butterfinger Bar you’ll know how the middle bit of them stick in your teeth.  Actually I had it a few hours ago and there’s still stuck in there.  Bloody brilliant value for money, hours of coconutty peanuty goodness!  God Bless the US candy bar industry.

The result of the personality test (based on candy bar selection) showed that I was laid back and people like to be around me.  Bollocks, I’m highly worked up and annoying.

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